i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
