Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
