2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
