I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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