apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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