My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
