Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
