I puked a lego.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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