you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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