Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize