Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Dignity is for republicans.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
