I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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