If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
if only i could text you this smell
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
