Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
