just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
