Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
