I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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