They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
There r osticjed everywhere
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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