I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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