This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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