Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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