she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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