just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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