I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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