I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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