I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
