did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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