I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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