You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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