yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
