Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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