More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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