I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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