don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
