I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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