They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize