Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
