I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Is Oprah even human
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
