I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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