Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
