he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
