I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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