Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
