I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
