I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
