Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
