I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he quoted the bible to break up with me
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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