It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize