my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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