I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
