dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
