I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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