Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
