I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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