Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just puked most of my soul out..
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
