Im at strip club and am horny
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
