Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize