what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
