I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
