is your mom at the bar?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
