That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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