I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
