My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
