I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
