Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
