Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
