I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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