I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
