is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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