I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
