I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
