Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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