I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
