Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
