You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
